Journey of a Reluctant Reader

It’s well established that reading aloud to children is important for cognitive development, language acquisition, and even parental bonding. It’s also an important step in helping children become independent readers and lifelong learners, especially in a technology saturated world that’s creating shorter and shorter attention spans. But what do you do if your child simply isn’t interested? As a mom and a children’s author, I have a few thoughts.

Reading with baby Keira, circa 2011. The Going to Bed Book by Sandra Boynton

But Not the Hippopotamus by Sandra Boynton

First, let’s acknowledge that not all children will fall in love with reading to the extent that we’d like them to, even if they’re raised by readers, writers, or librarians. Not all children born to football coaches will grow up to love football. And not all children born to nutritionists prefer peanut-butter protein bites to Pop Tarts.

My librarian friend Amy did “all the things you’re supposed to do to create readers,” and her 14-year-old still doesn’t love to read. I’m an avid reader and children’s author, and my almost 9-year-old, Keira, is just now starting to catch the vision—with no telling at this point whether or not it will actually stick. Here’s what I learned along the way.

Don’t Give Up

I’ve tried reading chapter books aloud to Keira again and again over the years, but her interest level was always middling at best. I had to cajole and coerce to get her to sit and listen for even a few minutes. Even with the magical-pony-sparkle-mermaid-rainbow-princess books that were torture for me to read but that should have appealed to her. Even with the hilarious Junie B. Jones books, when Keira was the exact same age as Junie B. herself. (I’ve since decided that the ideal age for enjoying Junie B. is when your child is a year or two older than Junie, so they can enjoy her antics from a much more mature and superior perspective. You know, so they can look down on her and judge her, which is half the fun.)

Admittedly, I’m not great at routine. Okay, fine, I’m terrible at it. I’m a meanderer, a dreamer. It’s both my genius and my curse. My days easily get away from me, leaving me scrambling at bedtime more often than not. Read-aloud time has always been the first thing to go when we’re staring down 10 o’clock and the kids are still wide awake. And when your child keeps wandering off mid-sentence, who wants to fight one more battle?

All I can say for myself is that I didn’t give up. Or, to be more truthful, I gave up tons of times—just never permanently.

Keira in preschool, before we realized she needed glasses. (Although in this picture, it’s pretty obvious.)

Have Your Child’s Eyesight Tested

Looking back, it should have been more obvious. But this poor girl could NOT see a darn thing. And we didn’t realize it because she didn’t squint. She didn’t run into walls. She didn’t complain. At her 4-year-old pediatrician’s visit, they thought she just didn’t understand the instructions during the eye test. That’s okay, they said, that’s not uncommon. At her 5-year-old pediatrician’s visit, it was clear that she understood the instructions, but she couldn’t see a single thing on that eye chart. Oh.

It turns out our daughter was severely far-sighted and needed thick, eye-enlarging spectacles, stat. Maybe that’s why she wouldn’t sit still during story times as a toddler. She couldn’t see the books—whether I was reading them to her on my lap or we were at a library story time. Maybe that’s why she could also never see whatever deer, unusual car, or roadside attraction we would try to point out on road trips. (Our eye doctor said that while it’s true that near-sighted people can see near but not far, it’s not necessarily the reverse for far-sighted people. Quite often both near and far vision are terrible for the far-sighted.)

By age 4-5, Keira had “decided” that books were no fun and that she just didn’t like to read. (And she’s right—it wouldn’t be fun to stare at one colorful, blurry, indecipherable blob after another in all of those picture books we tried to read.) The more I tried to convince her otherwise, the firmer her opinions became. The task now before me was to help her un-decide that she didn’t like books, with no discernible pressure whatsoever. And that’s not easy, when nightly homework often involved a certain amount of reading. How do you enforce that requirement as a parent without reinforcing the idea that reading is a “chore”?

Build Books Into Your Routine

Reading Gottal Go, Buffalo to her grandpa. They are always saying to each other, “See ya later alligator” and “In a while, crocodile.”

My friend Alisha’s daughter, who’s the same age as Keira, is an avid and willing reader. And Alisha faithfully took her children to the library once a week for years. I’m sure there’s a connection there. Alisha is also much more disciplined about bedtime—and probably everything else—than I am, so she builds in time for her daughter to read in bed each night, another wonderful habit to instill. Now I love the library, and I love reading in bed, but my meandering, willy-nilly, anti-structure tendencies get in the way of me living my best life in this way. I can’t tell you from personal experience to establish and stick to routines, because that would be hypocritical, but I can tell you to follow Alisha’s example. It looks like it’s working out great for her.

However, I will admit that so far this school year—for exactly 7 weeks—I have greatly improved in this area. I read to Keira in bed for 10-20 minutes, and then she reads on her own for another 20 minutes before lights out. And the reason we’re sticking to it better than ever is because of Keira. She reminds me if I forget, because she now looks forward to it so much. She listens intently. She no longer interrupts or wanders off mid-sentence. She’s all in. Finally. (More on how that happened in a moment.) For my part, I treasure the time to connect and bond through this reading time, which is a huge motivator. It’s so much easier to stick with a goal that everyone enjoys than it is to drag someone into your schemes, kicking and screaming.

Keira as the White Witch from Chronicles of Narnia in a thrown-together-the-morning-before-school DIY costume.

Bless the Book-Loving Teachers

In the last year, Keira’s attitude toward books and reading has really shifted. I think it started with a wonderful 2nd grade teacher, Mrs. Romriell, who read the Chronicles of Narnia books to the class with infectious enthusiasm and celebrated with dress-up parties and elaborate classroom decor. She made the outside of her classroom look like a giant wardrobe, with real vintage clothing hanging outside the door. And Keira loved dressing up as Lucy after they finished the first book and then The White Witch after the second book. I think Keira’s attention span and listening skills had finally improved to the point that she was truly getting lost in the story, and the classroom setting meant she was a captive audience. Whatever bookish magic Mrs. Romriell brought into her classroom definitely rubbed off on my Keira, and I’m forever grateful.

This year, Keira brought home a homework assignment that declared “reading” as one of her favorite things to do at home, and “riting a story” at her favorite thing to do at school (along with “making smart choices”). Be still my nerdy Mama heart.

attend Readings & Signings

Your local independent bookstore almost certainly hosts authors for regular story times. Take your kids. Keira wasn’t always outwardly thrilled to be dragged to yet another bookstore with me, but it had a greater impact on her than I imagined. She got to meet the real people behind the words and the art. She got signed copies of books. And I didn’t realize how attached she was to those books until I accidentally donated one to a refugee organization. Keira was heartbroken when she couldn’t find her signed copy.

Earlier this summer, hen I had my first book signing, a friend of mine brought her 6th grader to the bookstore. Even though his parents had purchased a copy for the family, Grayson decided to buy an extra copy with his own money, and he wanted me to sign it directly to him. This will probably remain my favorite book sale of all time.

We started reading the Harry Potter series together this summer, which is basically a rite of passage these days.

Make it a Party

I have a confession to make. I was very, very late to the Harry Potter craze. I resisted in part because everyone was so insistent that I had to read them, and I’m stubborn that way. Plus, my stepson was the perfect age to enjoy them just as they were getting wildly popular here in the U.S.—but he was reading them with his mom and attending the movie premieres with her, so I felt like I was intruding on their special thing. I finally broke down and read the entire series in 2015, the same year I read the Lord of the Rings trilogy, which I had also resisted for many years out of sheer stubbornness.

Now that Harry Potter is basically a rite of passage in our culture, Keira and I are working through them together every night before bed. We’re almost done with The Chamber of Secrets (book two, and the last of the short ones). Keira is forbidden from seeing the movie version until we’ve finished the book, although I did let her see the second movie a wee bit early. Our tradition is to have a viewing party with my little sister, who is perhaps the world’s biggest Harry Potter fan. (She reads the entire seven-book series at least once a year. Sometimes twice.) We ate gummy spiders and snakes at our Chamber of Secrets party, and we’ll have butterbeer on tap at our Prisoner of Azkaban party, after we complete book three.

Partly because we’ve created traditions around the books, built anticipation around the movies, and planned viewing parties, Keira is officially hooked on this series. She wants to be Hermione for Halloween, and she gets very upset if we miss a night of reading. It helps that Harry Potter is so prominent in pop culture; Keira loves feeling like she’s in on the lingo now.

READING MATTERS

“Words are sacred. They deserve respect. If you get the right ones, in the right order, you can nudge the world a little.” —Tom Stoppard

I firmly believe that one of the best gifts we can give our children is to instill in them a lifelong love of books and reading. But we can’t force it. I’m doing everything I can to encourage, model, and support my daughter in her reading, without nagging or turning it into a chore that she will resist out of sheer stubbornness (hmm, wonder where she gets that from?). Still, it’s not easy. I have to be vigilant about my tone and my approach. After all, I don’t want her to feel about books the way she feels about Brussells sprouts.

One thing that has helped this year is allowing her to stay up “later” to get in her reading minutes (although really, we’re putting her to bed earlier to build that time in). This way, reading feels like a reward, rather than a chore she has to complete before she can play. It makes her feel a little more grown up, like she’s bending the rules a little bit. But it all hinges on me being more disciplined with the family schedule, which I’m earnestly trying to do.

I do have to say that things are going better in the reading department with my 2-year-old son, Wyatt. Luckily, it’s already clear he doesn’t have the same eyesight issues Keira had. He will willingly sit on my lap to look through book after book. And he absolutely loves it when his big sister reads to him—but probably not as much as I love it. This right here is my favorite sight in all the world.

Be still my heart. 8-year-old Keira reading Ten Little Ladybugs to 2-year-old Wyatt.